Today, I went into the bathroom. I washed my hands and walked out... A minute later, I realized I forgot to pee. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (89) meh. (23) Comment (0) Lol by (jim)

Me: What did the doctor say? Dad: I am not supposed to lift anything heavy so I have to start sitting down when I pee. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (132) meh. (9) Comment (0) Lol by (luke)

I was walking into work (a grocery store) and a little kid was jumping back and forth in front of the automatic doors and making them open. As I walked past the security room to the lockers I saw the same little kid on one of the monitors. He was dancing on the mat to keep the door open. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (32) meh. (38) Comment (0) Lol by (tri)

Today my boss walked in on me feeding paper to the shredder and making "om nom nom" noises. It was awkward. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (143) meh. (5) Comment (1) Lol by (marissa)

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little blue because I’ve had to rain-check a lot of plans lately with a guy I like, and he has had to do the same. As a joke, he told me he owed me all the past dinners he has had to rain-check and a shrubbery. I told him not to worry about it, but he insisted that he would at least make good on the shrubbery. Today, delivered to my office was a beautiful collection of flowering plants in a basket planter. The note attached said: “A Shrubbery.”. It TOTALLY - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (67) meh. (7) Comment (2) Lol by (Nis)

Dad: You should keep your virginity until you're 25 and sell it for five million dollars. I saw a girl do that on TV. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (80) meh. (8) Comment (0) Lol by (Naurlind)

Today in chorus class, a boy came up behind a girl and put his hands over her eyes, trying to be cute. She flipped out and punched him in the face. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (84) meh. (2) Comment (0) Lol by (teamA)

Grandpa: That's harder than separating fly poop from pepper with boxing gloves on. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (87) meh. (2) Comment (0) Lol by (scott)

My tiny black cat was trying to sneak into one of the ‘no cat areas’ in our house and my mom spotted her and said “Just because you act like a ninja and look like a ninja does not mean you are a ninja.” - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (105) meh. (7) Comment (0) Lol by (merr)

Today, I opened a pack of Blueberry Poptarts. There were 3 inside. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (66) meh. (23) Comment (1) Lol by (Win)

Me: Mom, what would you do if I put a bow on my head and sat underneath the Christmas tree on Christmas morning? Mom: I'd think that Santa was playing a cruel, sick joke. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (85) meh. (2) Comment (0) Lol by (alex)

today in class we were having a farting contest. When i farted it made me and the rest of the class sick i got two weeks of detention over it. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (64) meh. (41) Comment (0) Lol by (haydo)

I work at a local grocery store and there is a guy that comes in multiple times a week and buys 2 Colt 45's. And every time i can't help but laugh bc he looks just like Mr.Sweeny from "Boy Meets World" and I cant help but sing Afroman!! - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (36) meh. (15) Comment (5) Lol by (Liz)

At the animal shelter where I volunteer I saw a big burly biker guy with tattoos adopting two tiny kittens named Bootsie and Snuggles. He told me he was going to rename them Vader and Voldemort. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (123) meh. (4) Comment (0) Lol by (kelsey)

Today, my step mom showed me that she bought a bag of chips that were the new, and healthier Baked kind. My grandmother, who was also there, replied in the most serious tone ever, “I’m always baked.” Before taking another small sip of her tea. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (70) meh. (2) Comment (2) Lol by (riley)
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