Mother: Stop clipping your nails short! How else are they suppose to find your killer's DNA if you are murdered? - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (68) meh. (4) Comment (0) Lol by (kate)

Today, i was walking down the street and i sawpeople dressed up as three different colored crayons run by yelling, "We're free! We're free!" and an empty crayons box chasing after them, whoever you are, that was epic. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (168) meh. (2) Comment (0) Lol by (ben)

Today, a bunch of boys were calling a guy in my class gay, because he had just finished his hair dressing apprenticeship. The teacher looks over at them, and says 'While you boys are working on a construction site with lots of sweaty, shirtless, buff men, he's going to be playing with women's hair, touching them and calling them beautiful...and you're calling him gay?' Best. Teacher. Ever. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (185) meh. (1) Comment (1) Lol by (sami)

Mom: Don't you dare tell your brother he is autistic! If you do I swear I'll tell you that you were adopted! - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (61) meh. (5) Comment (0) Lol by (jalde)

Today, i was on a train. I look over and see 2 women. one was reading Twilight, and the other Harry Potter. I was appalled that they were sitting next to each other until i saw the harry potter readers tee-shirt. It said "i'm with stupid" and an arrow was pointing to the one reading twilight. I think i'll take the train more often. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (95) meh. (8) Comment (0) Lol by (julie)

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend had a picture of us together as his background on his Ipod. I have Yoda as my background. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (69) meh. (9) Comment (0) Lol by (emma)

Today my little brother asked me how old I was when I was his age. I'm still confused. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (70) meh. (5) Comment (1) Lol by (lara)

Kid: “How do you get more seedless watermelons, if they don’t have seeds?” Dad: “They adopt.” - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (79) meh. (5) Comment (0) Lol by (bmw)

My dog was recently hit by a car and was badly injured. As she was moping around with her bandages, cast and cone, the man who hit her came over with a GIANT rawhide bone and a huge basket filled with dog treats and toys. It was the first time she wagged her tail in days. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (95) meh. (11) Comment (2) Lol by (doggie)

I was eating an ice cream bar on campus the other day and i accidentaly dropped it on a spot where the janitor had just finished mopping. He took one look at it and said "fuck that" and walked away. . - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (100) meh. (5) Comment (0) Lol by (Donnovan)

As I sat down in the circle with my Kindergarten students, I accidentally farted with a little noise. Instantly looked around the room – the one boy who noticed, right next to me, leaned over and whispered, “It’s ok – I won’t tell!” He is five years old - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (100) meh. (3) Comment (0) Lol by (kim)

Today, I saw a joke on Facebook that went like this, "What's the difference between a water bottle and puberty?" The answer? "A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber." - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (103) meh. (10) Comment (2) Lol by (jack)

I'm dating a ninja. I'm serious. He went to Japan, took a class, and has a certificate. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (77) meh. (10) Comment (1) Lol by (helen)

Senior year of high school, regardless of the student’s grade, everyone had to take a final written exam. My soc/psych teacher told us what to study and really pushed how hard this exam would be. We got to class, opened our test folders and there was a mad-lib inside to complete and read aloud! - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (68) meh. (4) Comment (0) Lol by (ginger)

Today, my grandma picked up the TV remote and asked 'Whose cell phone is this?' - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (80) meh. (3) Comment (1) Lol by (ben)
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