Every time a telemarketer calls my friend Ryan gets very excited to answer the phone and below is how their conversation goes and it’s hilarious!
Ryan: Hello, this is Ryan.
Them: Hello Ryan, I am calling from Korban Market Research Company. Would you be willing to take a short survey with us?
Ryan: I absolutely will! We here at Daymoon Consulting are always ready to provide opinion based data to our clients!
Them: Um… Ok? Anyways, this survey just takes about 5 minutes and when finished you are entered into a drawing to win a 3 day Cruise to the Caribbean.
Ryan: That will not be needed. Our usual remuneration per our standard service agreement is all that is required. However please be aware that our lowest billable period is one hour and this call will be billed for an hour of service even if only five minutes is used.
Them: No sir, this will only take five minutes not an hour.
Ryan: I understand, however your firm will still be billed the minimum hour as per our services agreements. That comes to $215. How would you like to take care of this today? Do you have billing set up with us already? If so I just need the corporate code for your company.
Them: I don’t have that… This only enters you for a trip sir.
Ryan: Ok, that’s alright sir. We can set this up on a company credit card for a small fee. Your new total will be $256.98, sir. Go ahead and give me the credit card number when you are ready sir.
Them: What credit card?! We aren’t paying $257 for this!
Ryan: Oh, you are absolutely right sir! I am so sorry! We are talking after 6pm EST so you are correct that we are in “premium time”. That is correspondingly higher. You total will be $517.54. Thank you for reminding me!
Them: What?! No… No… We can call you after 6pm. The law says we can call until 9pm.
Ryan: Daymoon Consulting prides itself on meeting our customers needs 24 hours a day sir, but between 6pm and 6am is premium time. Sir, I am ready for that credit card number now.
Them: Look, I just have the calls routed to me. I didn’t call you, a computer did.
Ryan: Oh, I see.
Them: Yeah, so can we just get to the survey?
Ryan: Yes, but I will have to add our auto-dialer fee to the charges. It’s due to our consultants time being so valuable that we do this to keep them from having their time wasted. With that fee your new total is $749.99. What are the first four digits of the card you would like us to use, please?
Them: Sir, Please hold on for my supervisor please.
Ryan: Ok sure thing!
*6 minutes later*
Supervisor: Hello sir, I understand their is a problem?
Ryan: None at all. Your total charges for one hour of premium time consulting with auto-dialer charge and supervisor level respondent fee with credit card processing is $1123.67. We accept all major credit cards. Will this be on a Visa, MasterCard, or American Express today?
Supervisor: For what?!
Ryan: Consulting on your survey of course. What method of payment will you be using today?