I was watching NCIS on TV with my younger brother (21 yrs old) and my twin 9 year old baby brothers. At one point, my 21 yr old brother ask me what was just said. I told him "The guy is dying from radiation poisoning." At this point, one of the twins looks up at me, horrified and ask, in all seriousness "Why are they poisoning Asians!" - JMML!

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today, i googled the yahoo vs. google war and it sent me yahoo for the answer...!! - JMML!

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Today I was video-ing on Omegle, waiting for some guy to turn up when a little girl showed up. She must have been like 11 or 12. I immediately asked her what she was doing on Omegle, and she replied "I like girls." - JMML!

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There's a gas station a block away from my house that me and my daughter walk to. Unfortunately, there's a liquor store right next to it. One day, after gettng candy and things I told her to wait for a second while I went in. When I came out she wasn't there, so I figured she went home. I remember being really mad when I arrived and asking "What kinda kid just leaves her dad outside a gas station? She immediately responded with "What kinda parent leaves their kid outside a liquor store? Touche. - JMML!

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Watching "Dual Survival" with my older sister and the guys on TV are talking about the little chance of surviving a lion attack unarmed. My older sister turns to us and says "At least they both have two arms!" - JMML!

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My friend and I shopping for cartilage earrings... Her: I like this one! Me: That's a belly button ring... Her: So, it's a hole, you can stick anything in it! Me: -Slowly says- That's what she said... - JMML!

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Your moment of laughter goes here...I went walking with my 4 yr old son. He told me he needed to pee really bad, so we found a big tree. He faced the tree while I pulled his pants down around he knees. Then he promptly squatted and peed all over the back of his pants. - JMML!

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what did the slut's left leg say to the right leg? nothing. they've never met. - JMML!

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Today, i just met the worlds tallest 9 year old. She is almost as tall as my dad. My dad is over 6 feet. - JMML!

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today while talking to my girlfriend we were talking about what we would do to protect eachother and she outta no were goes " i would stab a sumo wrestler in the ass for you, then sit there and laugh my fucking ass off because the sumo would be trying to get the knife outta his ass" - JMML!

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This was actually about a week ago, but my mom and I were driving home and I was looking out the window and saw a store that had a sign saying "industrial cheese cleaner"! Lol now there's a joke between me and my mom about cheese that no one else understands :) - JMML!

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Today my Chemistry teacher made our whole class sign a contract saying it wasnt his fault if we all failed the final exam - JMML!

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I hear David Archuleta, my mom hears Far East Movement, my dad likes Linkin Park and my brothers have Bieber Fever syndrome. But when we turn on our cd player we always listen to Owl City - JMML!

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Today i was waiting to go take a test in math, while i was standing there a cute guy walks in. As I was waiting i thought it would be cool if i could use my mind powers for him to notice me. So as i thought " you should be looking over here about now" he actually did turn and look at me, might i add the whole double take to? ;) - JMML!

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