Finished a bag of chips and the salsa at the same time

Finished a bag of chips and the salsa at the same time  Success Kid

Wife is pregnant Designated driver for 9 months

Wife is pregnant Designated driver for 9 months  Success Kid

Girl texts me asking "What're you doing this weekend? :)" I reply "Was that meant for me?"

Girl texts me asking

"damn! all my books cost $600 but the guy at the bookstore said he will buy them back at the end of term what a sucker lol"

Say hi to a friend in the supermarket Hide from them for the rest of the time to avoid awkward second "hello".

Say hi to a friend in the supermarket Hide from them for the rest of the time to avoid awkward second

you sure are dressing up nice for work who are you trying to impress?

you sure are dressing up nice for work who are you trying to impress?  Overly Attached Girlfriend

not sure if car behind me is flashing brights or hitting bumps

not sure if car behind me is flashing brights or hitting bumps  Futurama Fry

Reading Due First day of class Drops Class

Reading Due First day of class Drops Class  Lazy College Senior

Applied for a job: Position had already been filled offered me another job with double the pay

Applied for a job: Position had already been filled offered me another job with double the pay  Success Kid

I love your penis so much I just want to cut it off and carry it in my pocket

I love your penis so much I just want to cut it off and carry it in my pocket  Overly Attached Girlfriend