I was in math class. I raised my hand and while the teacher was helping me, I got a text from my girlfriend and my tone is Navi from Legend of Zelda saying “Hey! Listen!” My teacher said without missing a beat, “Not now, Navi, he’s in math class.” - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (488) meh. (32) Comment (21) Lol by (NAVI)

My 5 year old nephew said that a boy in his Kindergarten class had called him "Dumbo". My Mom asked him how he responded to the kid and my nephew replied, "I called him a fucking asshole." - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (462) meh. (20) Comment (0) Lol by (jimm)

my best friend's sister's friend's brother is mentally challenged but can still live on his own. One day he called his sister up and told her to come to his house quickly because he had trapped a gnome in his closet and put a table in front of it to keep it from getting out, but since she was at work and lives a couple hours away it took her a while to get to his house, well she arrived there about 5 hours later and he showed her where the gnome was. She moved the table, opened the door, and there was a midget jahovah witness in the closet!! That will be the last time he goes door-to-door.. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (451) meh. (21) Comment (24) Lol by (ashbean)

The other day in Biology, my teacher tried to explain that semen is comprised mostly of sugar, a blonde girl in the back pipes up “then why does it taste so salty?” She promptly ran out of the classroom with the reddest face. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (439) meh. (55) Comment (10) Lol by (kimibearlee)

I was walking my dog when a purse snatcher ran past me and stole the poop bag. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (401) meh. (7) Comment (2) Lol by (karma)

Just realized "strap-on" spelled backwards is "no-parts". - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (400) meh. (18) Comment (5) Lol by (Mary)

Today I was at a video game store. The kid in front of me was about 13 and trading in some games. The clerk opened a game case and the kid’s weed stash fell out. His mom was standing right next to him. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (373) meh. (9) Comment (5) Lol by (ur funcked )

Today, I saw a guy who looked just like Harry Potter, but with blonde hair. I shouted, "Bloody hell Harry, when did you go blonde?". He replied, "Hermione, I was just looking for you. Transfiguration class was a bugger. Can you change it back?". I believe I've found my soulmate. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (366) meh. (18) Comment (10) Lol by (harry potter fan)

Today I sucked helium out of a balloon, and tried singing, I finally matched the pitch of Justin Bieber. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (352) meh. (35) Comment (0) Lol by (beib)

I saw two teenagers stopped at a green light at a major road, honking at and flipping off an old man crossing slowly. As a result, the old man dropped his pants and mooned the youngsters. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (347) meh. (15) Comment (5) Lol by (drive by )

As I was walking into a convenience store, I held the door for a middle aged woman who was walking up. She said "Don't hold the door because I’m a woman!". I responded with "It's because you’re old." The look on her face and the laughing clerk was priceless. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (340) meh. (14) Comment (2) Lol by (hey hey hey )

I was walking home from school. I then saw three kids dressed as Harry, Hermione, and Ron running down the street being chased my a man who looked about 50 dressed up as Snape, who was screaming "GET BACK HERE, POTTER!". I'm not sure what just happened, but I want in. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (331) meh. (18) Comment (4) Lol by (potter)

I saw a pigeon get pood on by another pigeon. Justice. - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (324) meh. (15) Comment (1) Lol by (lolgod)

I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (324) meh. (26) Comment (2) Lol by (john)

My little brother (10) was acting very crazy one day and my mother asked him if they needed to put him on medication. With a perfectly straight face, he replied, "There’s no medication for being awesome." - JMML!

zomg rofl, win (321) meh. (15) Comment (0) Lol by (being awesome )
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